sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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