I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
