fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
