hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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