I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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