I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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