Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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