I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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