I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
