So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
should my penis look like a turkey
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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