Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
