everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve