I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
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Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.