walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I just put wine in my tea
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.