You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast