That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
