Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize