I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.