I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo