Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.