so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.