first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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