I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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