It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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