how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think my mom watched the whole time
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."