You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
