thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.