I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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