I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Are these your boobs on my camera?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize