man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck