i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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