When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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