Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
