Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
