why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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