while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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