He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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