i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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