At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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