he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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