Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize