she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
