I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
