I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
