Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
