I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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