There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he just fucked me for my cheese..