he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire