Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.