I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
pray to the hookup gods
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.