This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO