dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone