We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
