I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
