You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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