Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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