Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
