forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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