at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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