Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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