This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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